November 2020 – Lancaster Merrin's House of UnAmerican Activities

SarcoPod Flight Plan Rarefied Bathroom Humor

Having a BAD HAIR-DAY~?

The Sarco-Pod Seriously Rocks

3D-printable ‘Death Pod’ for stylish and peaceful suicide premiered at Venice expo. Let’s hear about it. My lease is up.

Sarco X ready for Lift Off . . –> yeah, but I’m NOT!

The final lab tests were conducted at Maak studio in Haarlem on Friday 7 August 2020 & the results are in. Yayyy~! They sent 6 old guys off to The Neverland Ranch~ Sarco created an oxygen-free environment in less than one minute. So don’t take it ‘outa park’ till yer reddy, Fred~ The oxygen inside the capsule plummeted rapidly from 21% to 0.4% in 50 seconds. Better make it a short speech, and a 12oz beer~

Other Lovely Styles and Colors of Final ‘launch-PADS’

WARNING! Bathroom Humor Alert

Bathroom stuff ain’t that funny; here’s some, anyway

After lunch (at 3:00 a.m.) or dinner (whenever), and having watched a QUALITY European murder mystery episode, I’ll typically settle in for my NOT well-deserved nap by watching some nonsense that I just want OFF my list.

Perfect example: “The BabySitter–Killer Queen.”

Ridiculous, vulgar, dark humor, horror stuff WITH some good LINES now and then; well done production. Ya know, just before Merrin knocks-out for the 3rd time in 24 hours.

2 young, attractive people escaping a group of UNdead characters (some vicious but very sexy) arrive at a nice cabin in the woods. During the course of the conversation, the guy looks uncomfortable. She asks:

“What’s wrong with you?”

“I really need to go to the bathroom”

“Uh, would that be #1 or #2?”

“Hey, if I were forced to do a 2 in front of you I’d have to kill both of us”

Although the guy meant ‘in the same proximity,’ THAT SAYS IT, ladies & gentlemen~! The universally poignant #1 or #2 conundrum. “Oh, I forgot something at home; will be right back.”

After decades, it’s a profound measure of just how immature Lancaster Merrin remains, to this day. The EVIDENT lack of social progress due to a pathological timidity in such mundane matters. Never married, no kids. Did SOMEHOW end up undeservedly ‘cohabitating‘ with 3 striking females, as I recall.

The tribal ritual described above endured as a kind of routine and perpetual abomination, and provided a solid raison d’etre for suddenly having to split-solo back to Amarillo. A move which none of the previously mentioned co-habitants seemed to mind much.

All things considered would prefer to DO IT down the street in some bushes. Then RETURN for dinner, soft music & dancing.

Note to Self: This bathroom ‘angle’ was a bad idea. Too LATE NOW~! Hate myself . . . . . . . . May, in fact, be suicidal.

Let’s try this: “The BabySitter: Killer Queen” compelled Merrin to do it.

The Finger of Death

The Good News~! Lanc only has 2 or 3 days to go before the 14 day Covid-19 contract-window officially CLOSES. Here’s the drama:

. . . . On November 2, after purchasing a used coffee-maker from Goodwill — because Nan Merrin (deceased mom) and I are certifiably cheap — Lanc, after leaving the store, FORGOT to use the hand-cleaner, right there, in his pocket at the time. As mentioned, he had been handling somebody’s used appliance at freekin’ Goodwill, no less. Note: The previous owner may have croaked from Covid; would not be drinking anymore coffee.

Ok, not only THAT, on his walk home he suddenly felt compelled to stop walking, and proceeded to touch and gently scratch a minor itch in the corner of his left EYE. We’ve all been there.

In the middle of doing THAT, he was thunder-struck by an instantaneous vision of an ICU with Lancaster Merrin IN IT, hooked up to tubes and a transparent, plastic thing on his face.

3 days to go. Since the 2nd, ANY minor headache, incidental cough, nose-sniff, or even the slightest feeling of malaise, it was that ICU-flash, AGAIN. Refrigerator post-it note read: make out that will, you dumb-fuk~!

So, I’ll be ready for a solo River-dance and a Dos Equis on Monday.

The Miserable News~!
. . . there’s a pretty red & pink map BELOW the pretty red bar-graphs

Dazzling!!

NEVER anyone like her EVER in D.C. ….. NEVER EVER~!!

motherofHeaven~!!

The Relative ‘DAZZLINGNESS’ of AOC

as to ‘dazzling’ AOC

[bjX] And hopefully never ever again. You always were a suck-up to the ladies, but she’ll bite you once she gets a hold of your emails as a semi-Trump supporter—kind’a like that friendly turned fiendly* girlfriend of yours that stole your car-ha!

[LancM] We all make delightful ‘little’ mistakes (see attached). At least Lanc’s didn’t last 20 to 40 years~!!

[bjX] Now AOC is making her list, checking it twice, going to find out if your naughty (Trump supporter) or nice. I imagine they had a similar list in Stalin’s Russia, Nazi Germany and Mao’s China

[LancM] Well, you’re RIGHT about THAT. AOC’s ‘list’ notion and quotations regarding anyone who voices an adverse OPINION regarding the validity of a Biden-election, ALONG with her stupid blathering about the ‘racist’ Trump HAS INDEED, turned yours truly OFF. As such, the latter will no longer be answering her phone-calls from bars at 1:30 a.m. SHE’S OUT~!

. . . Millions of Biden Buffoons don’t care to realize — AMONG many OTHER such distasteful behaviors — that sleaze-ball, smiling Yobama DEPORTED more HISPANICS than Trump or ‘W.’ Also, the former drone-bombed the living shit out of people and families. Trump? NOPE. Plus, dem-dix FALLACIOUSLY haunted Trump regarding Russian ELECTION meddling and Putin INFLUENCE for 2 or 3 years. SO . . .

——> ffukk’em!! I sayyy

. . . My Ex-girlfriend is STILL the most stunningly beautiful female Congressional-babe EVER~!

Yep, Roxanne ultimately stole my parents’ inherited 2003 Buick Regal; she had issues. Sadly, Lanc Merrin was then forced to buy for cash a 2011 black, not-a-scratch, 6 speed-clutch, 426 hp 420 torque, Camaro SS. What a sexy, pretty brat~! Kinda miss watching her move about the cabin. Suggestion: always gorgeous, Hispanic females –– don’t trust’em